My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.