What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.