What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!