The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

The best thing to break is a contract.