All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.