A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.