The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.