My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.