The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
The best thing to break is a contract.
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.