My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

I never met a kid I liked.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.