There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

I never eat before breakfast.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.