The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.