So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.