If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
I never drink water... fish f**k in it.