Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.