If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

I never met a kid I liked.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.