If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.