It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.