Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.