If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I never eat before breakfast.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.