I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.