Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.

Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.