My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.