Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.