Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.