All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.