Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.