Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.