Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.