Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

You can't cheat an honest man.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.