Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.