Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.