Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.