A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!