Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.