Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.