Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

I like children - fried.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

I never eat before breakfast.