There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.