It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.