I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.

I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.