When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

The best thing to break is a contract.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.