When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.