I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.