I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.