If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.