I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.