The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason