The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.