Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.