To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.