The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).