The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.