The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.