If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

I can do anything I want to do!

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!