Never give a sucker an even break.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

I never eat before breakfast.