Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

Never work with animals or children.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.