Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.