Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.