There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.