There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.