There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.