There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).