California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.