Happiness means quiet nerves.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!