Happiness means quiet nerves.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night

Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.