Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!