Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.

I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.