The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.

I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.

The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!

The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.

Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.