The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.

The Chicago mobs... They practiced their own perverted form of "survival of the fittest." Where the strong clawed their way to the top of a criminal empire. And the weak died in a hail of machine gun bullets.

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.

The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.

He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.

The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.