It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.