I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

When my parents send me emails the first 3 are blank.

I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.