I had top-secret clearance and everything. I was working on a couple of projects that would keep me involved in Desert Storm. I was in the mix, which is scary.

I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone.

I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys.

Being gay is harder than being black. I didn't have to come out black. I didn't have to tell my parents about what its like to be black.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.