All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are.

Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.

I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.

Men don't hear women.