When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.

I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.