When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.

Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I think the worst one [indian mascot] is the Cleveland Indians' Big Chief Wahoo. It's just a red face on a baseball with a big, toothy grin. It's the Sambo of all other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.

When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots.

If you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

Men don't hear women.