I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.

Now, I think the people who are still doing stand-up are doing it because they love stand-up.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.