When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.

There are just so many more laws and rules that apply with marriage that do not come with domestic partnership and also to me it's the commitment.

I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.

Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.

But I understand that relationship; I understand how the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship has so many conflicts because it's so forced.

The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.